i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
