My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
