dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
