He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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