I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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