some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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