Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
