I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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