I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
