dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
