Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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