Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
