Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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