Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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