I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
