just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there is glitter all over my balls
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