he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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