It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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