Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
