I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
