We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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