It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
