Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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