I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
