Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
