i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
