I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
