mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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