just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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