There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
