It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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