He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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