Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
