I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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