Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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