Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
