he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
