The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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