I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
