$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
