I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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