is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
