My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
