After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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