I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
