Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
