I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize