Christians are straight up FREAKS
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
