The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
