If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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