Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
