I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
