so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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