i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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