is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
