Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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