FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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