I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
