Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
