Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
