Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
there is puke in my bra ... again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize