sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
