i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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