Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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