I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
