we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
