like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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