She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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