Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am spending my child support on dildos
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
