Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
