Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
