I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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