Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
