I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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