Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish you could order shots online.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
