Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize