Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
