Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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