here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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