As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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